Thru the Peephole: Musings on the Strange, Interesting, and Maddening Characters We Meet “On the Road”
By Allan Gereg of St. Clairsville, Ohio.
Chapter 4: The Shriners’ Parade in St. Louis: Hand Me that Fez!!
After our first trip “Out West” in ’77, there was little doubt that we were hooked on this motorcycle traveling business. Although ignorant of the physical demands, (stock bikes, remember?), and “green” about bike touring, (…why did we bring all these clothes?), Doug and I decided to do another “westward Ho!” type jaunt… this time to New Mexico… The Land of Enchantment (even without peyote!) The bikes changed since last trip… Doug bought a new Brilliant Blue 75/5 Beauty (it’s still on the road real close to home) and I stepped up to Doug’s 75/5 (Awesome Power Surge compared to the 60/5!??) Needless to say the seating had changed… Doug bought an Ez Berg touring saddle (comfort!) and I inherited Doug's “water seat”… remember those?… a mini-water bed for the buns! I used a sheepskin on top of that to make a much more comfortable set-up than the previous year.
Well, there’s a lot of space between the Ohio Valley and the Sangre de Cristos and, as it always seems, little time to see everything in between, so we were forced to take the Straight Concrete Slab… you know it’s like riding in a wind tunnel–the sensation of speed and motion is there… but you don’t see, smell, or feel anything else! We took the obligatory “I” across Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois… “70” all the way (the route… not the speed, I admit, it was early in the trip, and we were Just Cruisin’). It was in St. Louis that we wanted to shoot southwest on I 44 toward our destination. Here’s another thing not too Super about our Super highways… The Nin-Comm-Poops and Igno-Rame-Esses that travel these roads!… You see all kinds… every day. In Tennessee, the experience of being passed by a Hay Truck at about “90” while belting around Knoxville is not easy to forget… stuff flyin’ everywhere, like it was snowin’ hay! Oh, Yes!… being cut-off in bumper-to-bumper five-lane traffic on “Murderstate” 84 somewhere in fair Connecticut… not once, but twice in ten minutes… Ah, and the innocence in those “four-wheelers” eyes when confronted with a stare and finger-points… like the snow… the pure driven snow! One happened to be a little white-haired grandma… she looked like she was surprised and somewhat indignant when I scolded her… “Who me?… Harumph! How Dare these Biker Thugs run on MY road!!!” Welp, white-haired grandma’s can be “killers”, too! Whew, you gotta keep an eye out ahead, an eye behind, an eye on the road, and an eye on the sky!!??…You Get the Picture?… Ain’t Enuff Eyes!!
This is kinda what we were feelin’ Zoomin' Thru St. Loo! We wanted to “belt” around to intersect with I44… we tried to follow the signs while hurtling headlong thru the multi-lane traffic at top speed… it’s like riding “the Flume”, you know, one of those log water rides at Disneyland… You’re stuck in the course, powerless to stop, carried by the water’s powereful flow… waitin’ for the Bottom to fall out! And the Weinies in the tin boxes are oblivious to anything else on the road (is it because of their Thermo-nuclearly Protected radios?)… I don’t know… did we miss our exit signs?… or did the Mizzu DOT actually send us Downtown St. Louie… a Crew-el Joke, but who knows?
The next thing we know, we are sitting at a traffic light next to Busch Stadium… and all around us were Shriners, tassels flying, on their little three-wheel bikes, waving at us and the crowd (that we now noticed lining the street!).
We must have Beamed Down to observe an ancient Earthling custom… We rode right into the St. Louis Shriners’ Day Parade!… Well, what the hell… Why Fight It?… Hey, Smiley, Got a Spare Fez?
