Thru the Peephole: Musings on the Strange, Interesting, and Maddening Characters We Meet “On the Road”
By Allan Gereg of St. Clairsville, Ohio.
Chapter 11: Pigs in Denver – Oink 
Oink !!
Traveling in the West is such a wonderful, unique experience for native Easterners… the wide open spaces, blue sky, and fresh air… even the stark and lonely emptiness of deserts and plains has its allure. Of course, the people seem to be different, too; there is a friendly openness to them… it seems they’ll keep no secrets from you… you can feel their independent spirit… almost as if to say there are different ways to do a job, and they’ll do it their way, and you can do it any damn way you please. But some cross the line from “live and let live” to being downright obnoxious… this is a report of such a case:
It was approximately 11:45 on Sunday morning. Pal Doug and I arrived in Denver, located our friend “D”s house (all names will be withheld to protect the innocent). “D” was glad to see us. We had called in advance to advise him that we would be arriving on Sunday. His live-in girlfriend “M” evidently wasn’t aware and did not like the idea. We met “M”. She seemed pleasant at first… it didn’t last. She was a Minnesota transplant (does this have any bearing on the case? You be the judge!) “D” showed us where we could put our gear and where we could sleep. We visited with “D” all day. “M” was busy doing her “socially uplifting” and “awareness oriented” good deeds. (“M” alledgedly dabbles in “crystals”.)
At approximately 7:15 PM, “D”, “M”, Doug, and I walked to a nearby restaurant for dinner. We ordered. “M” talked. We drank. “M” continued to talk. “Talk” isn't an accurate description – lecture and inquisition may be better terms for her discourse. “M” asked about my wife. “M” asked about my children. Was I happy in the marriage? Was she happy in the marriage? Were the kids happy being kids in the marriage? It was important that she instruct me in the woman’s role and needs in marriage – child-rearing, homemaking, business career, etc. I felt chastened. “M” knew plenty. (she wasn’t a degreed psychologist… though she probably finished high school in “Gopher-Land”). Evidently, she got a true education from her forays into “social conciousness”. She was proud to detail her “causes” ranging from womens’ rights, animal and gay rights to “Vishnu-Hishnu-Krishnu” rights. (In today’s “Clinton Era” jargon, she is, so tritely, “Politically Correct”.) It was after this conversation and two or three tequila-based drinks that I became annoyed. Tired of the inquisition, I tried to run away. “D” and I had a foot race and I injured my leg as reported in an earlier case. (refer to: Gereg vs. “S”, August 21, 1990, Denver District Court - charge: “Assualt with the Intent to Emasculate”.)
At 12:40 AM , Doug and I returned to the fold-out couch “D” had provided for us. “D” slept on the kitchen floor. “M” slept in the bed room. There must have been a fight. As stated earlier, I’m not sure “D” communicated properly with “M” concerning our stay. We didn’t know. It meant the hard floor for “D” in any event.
At about 6:40 AM, we awoke and prepared for a two or three day trip with “D” and his BMW /5 thru western Colorado, Utah, etc. “D” wasn’t talkative. We traveled two days and two nights and returned on the third day. It was not a heartwarming welcome. “M” was sleeping in our bed! (actually she was reading.) I didn’t know how to react to this circumstance. It was uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. Doug and I remained in the kitchen while “D” talked to “M”. She removed herself from the premises. (that bed, at least – looks like another hard night for “D”.) Doug and I discussed our options in the kitchen. Obviously, there is a problem here. Should we leave? Could we find a motel at this hour on our final night? The situation was resolved with: A.) “M”s removal of her body from said bed; B.) “M”s removal from the entire room; and; C.) “D”s statement of, “There’s your bed, guys, Good Night!” Throughout this procedure, Doug and I had no further communication with the bed’s occupant. In fact, we had no further communication with “M”, period.
At about 7:15 AM, Doug and I left the residence and returned to West Virginia and Ohio. I have tried to keep this statement as factual and brief as possible.
signed: Allan P. Gereg
Well… those were the facts… just the facts… I don’t know, I guess we got branded as some real “male chauvinists” or something… there were pre-existing problems, but our hosts suffered from that old “Boss Strother Martin Syndrome”… “What we have here is a failure to communicate!” But, Doug and I were “Innocents Abroad”… we didn’t know what we were getting into!
However, while we were on the road, we really had fun across western Colorado and southeastern Utah – Wow ! – hot, dry, and desolate, but so beautiful! We stayed in Moab, Utah a night and ate breakfast in town. In the restaurant we heard no English spoken… everyone around us was speaking German !… a few busloads of “Deutscher” tourists stayed in Moab while touring the Southwest… Verrry Interesting ! We traveled on to Four Corners… this was no Disneyland… a plaque is buried in the ground, with a + to designate the four state boundaries. The rest of the attraction was the old canvas stalls of the Indian traders – silver and turquoise… and a little bit of Chinese rubber bow & arrows.
On to the beautiful southwestern Colorado mountains… wonderful scenery, great, twisty, newly-paved roads (only unsettling, because there were no guard rails, even on the switch-back turns with thousand foot drop-offs!). On thru Durango, Siverton, Gunnison, and back to Denver… an enjoyable trip on some of the best roads I’ve ever traveled! Especially for the rather curious treatment at our friend’s, this trip really turned into a memorable one!
